My mother came from a long line of pretty—and skinny—women. My glamorous grandmother, Ruth, was a swimmer and “aqua-dancer” who made her living wearing a bathing suit on film in old movies. My mom modeled bikinis when she was in her early 20s, living in Hawaii. In my mom’s family, it was very important to be pretty; and being pretty meant being thin.

So imagine her surprise when she had me, a big, healthy baby who had rolls on her toes, legs, arms, belly and bottom. A baby who liked—no, loved—to eat. My mom didn’t understand my appetite, or that the “extra” chub on my body was normal. She’d started worrying about my weight before I could even walk. She didn’t want me to grow up to be fat—not just because “fat” meant “not pretty” in her family, but because she didn’t want me to feel the pain of struggling with weight and my body.

But the thing is, her concern and her encouragements to eat less pushed me directly toward the future she had worried about: As a teenager, I started secretly bingeing on things like butter, chips and ice cream, foods that she considered bad. I turned to eating out of rebellion—and for comfort—and started putting on weight. I gained just a little at first, and then a lot, until I weighed over 200 pounds at 21 years old. Was it my mom’s fault that I ended up with binge eating disorder (BED) and a body I loathed? No. But did her fears, her body image and her own ideas about food shape my own? Absolutely.

Have your mother’s opinions, beliefs and her own weight and body struggles shaped your ideas about food and your body? No doubt they have. But you know what? They don’t have to keep shaping what you believe. I learned that early on in my recovery from BED—and it has been key to getting sane about food and learning to love my body. My mother, your mother, everybody’s mothers, are all simply women, just like us. They all had to deal with their own picky or perfectionist parents; they all had to deal with a feature on their faces or bodies that they didn’t like; they all felt inferior once in a while; they all envied a prettier girl’s figure or hair; they’ve all been on diets; and some of them have even had eating disorders. And that means that they’re just human, fallible, and that none of us has to accept the body lessons we learned from them as gospel truth.

Part of growing up and becoming a woman is taking responsibility for your body and what you think of it. Eating a cookie might have been a sin in the house you grew up in, but it can just mean “dessert” in your home. A thin body may have been the thing your mom valued above anything else, but a strong, healthy body can be what you strive for. You’re body is not your mother’s—and neither is your mind.

Sunny’s bio:
Sunny is a recovered binge eater and the health editor at Glamour magazine and is currently writing a self-help book for girls who overeat to be published in Spring 2011 by Berkley Books. If you’re looking for a place to talk and learn about emotional eating and weight obsession, visit her web site at www.HealthyGirl.org. If you binge eat and are between the ages of 16 and 25 and would like to be interviewed for her book, send an email to her at [email protected]

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